Life After Birth: the Third Month

This month has been about progress and exasperation. On the one hand, he goes to bed earlier. On the other, it seems impossible to get him to sleep during the day. It feels like I’ve tried everything…
  • Abbreviated bedtime ritual: swaddling, singing, and bouncing
  • Swaddling, jiggling, and shushing
  • Passing out with baby on top of me
  • Losing all hope: putting headphones on while he screams
Rather depressingly, the last one is the most effective (well, the last two, but the third option has pretty obvious drawbacks). We have had good days when I feel on top of the world, like he and I are just clicking. And we have had bad days, when patience is completely gone and everyone is screaming.

In better news, I started working out in earnest this month. My husband signed me up for the postnatal recovery class with the Active Mom’s Club. I’ve really been enjoying it. It forces me out of the house twice a week and I’ve noticed that I’m trimmer and feel stronger. I started going back to yoga at Namaskar, albeit only intermittently so far.

But the biggest change is the subtlest change. He’s really growing up. Smiling more, being more focused and engaged, chatting up a storm, playing with toys, going nuts about holding his head up. He barely fits in his SwaddleMes anymore. It’s all happening too fast.
Pros:
  • So much smiling!
  • He loves hanging out – talking, reading together
  • Earlier bedtime = full, proper evenings
  • Started to feel like I’m getting my body back!
Cons:
  • So much crying! (Mostly his, a little of mine)
  • Outgrew his cradle; outgrowing many clothes (which is really a good thing…but it’s more work, which is why it’s a con)
  • Don’t really look like I’ve got my body back
  • He’s pretty crap at sleeping during the day, doesn’t nap for longer than 30-40 minutes

2016 Goals Check In: January

Live Mindfully
  • Do one exercise from LovingKindness each day
    • Heh. This hasn’t been going super well as the priority has been Abhi, in particular getting him to bed. Once that’s managed, it’s trying to squeeze everything possible out of an evening: cleaning up, cooking, time with husband, showering. So yeah…I’ve done this once so far.
Exercise the Creative Muscle
Defend Personal Time
  • Take at least an hour a week out of the house and away from Abhi
    • Yoga filled this slot this month. With brunch with a friend thrown in at the very end. Will venture out more next month, I think. If I’m to get serious about writing and working (yup, back on the job), I may have to.
  • Socialize at least once a week
    • Do my exercise classes count? Because I have not been super good about this otherwise. There were games with friends once and a couple nights watching the new X-Files series. Oh, and that brunch I mentioned earlier. Not a strong start though, really.
  • Go on at least one date a month
    • This one I can confidently say happened. My in-laws came up for the weekend, so we put them in charge of the boy and went out for sushi and drinks.

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Maintain General Well Being
  • Eat well
    • Inasmuch as it’s possible to eat with a baby that seems to demand constant attention. So it’s been a lot of almonds and granola bars with some string cheese and oranges thrown in. Leftovers from my husband’s cooking have been a saving grace when I manage to get the wee baby to sleep anywhere other than on my person.
  • Drink lots of water
    • See above. I drain every glass I manage to pour. How many I manage to pour varies dramatically day to day.
  • Get regular exercise

Planner vs Planner: the Contenders

When I was still pregnant, I knew that life with a baby would be dramatically different. He would set the terms, and I would live within them. And I knew that I’d have to manage my time much better in order to have any kind of life.

I happened upon two different planners that were more than just planners. They were each developed with a particular philosophy in mind: the Passion Planner and the Simplified Planner.

Here they are.
I’m going to make a go of using both of them and then report back in a few months. May the best planner win!

A Period of Adjustment

My mom has gone back to India.

On the one hand, I have the place back to myself during the days. On the other, I’ve got no one but my baby to keep me company.

On the one hand, I’m free to do things without feeling watched. On the other hand, I’m restricted by having no one else to watch my baby.

On the one hand, my husband’s leaving the car home more for my use. On the other, I have to drive myself everywhere and have no extra hand to get Abhi to the car.

On top of that, my husband has gone to San Francisco (for a few days).

It all makes sense now. The complaining, the misery. Why I got married. Without my husband here to relieve me in the evenings, it’s a real struggle. Abhi continues to be lovely. But he’s also a baby. Who shits his pants what seems like every hour. Who seems to be inconsolable every time I put him down. Who gets heavier every day and seems to be some kind of source of natural heat (so when he sleeps on me…we both get disgusting).

It really makes the case for sleep training, let me tell you. The two hours of peace I got between putting him down and my going to bed were blissful. That shower was easily among my top 5 showers. Once you’ve had a baby, you really do learn to appreciate the little things: like brushing your teeth or taking out the recycling.

Onwards and upwards!

Life After Birth: the Second Month

Month two was all about wrestling for control. December is never the straightforward month. The holiday season means more socializing and more family. I.e. less time to and for yourself. This year was no different. In fact, with the little one, our house felt a little like the location of a very popular attraction. Which, I suppose, it literally was. We didn’t have a single week/weekend without visitors and/or social engagements. Which made the other times feel incredibly precious.

I realized I had to get my butt in gear if I didn’t want to lose my mind. Abhi’s still quite young and even though he’s the best baby in the world, he has his off days when he wakes up every hour and/or will only sleep if someone holds him. And even on the good days, he’s not on any kind of schedule. Irregular 2-4 hour increments turn out to be difficult to build a life around.

And then it got hard.

Around the six week mark, we started thinking about sleep training. And that’s also when he started getting fussier. It was harder to get him to get to sleep. Nursing seemed to be the only thing that would keep him quiet. And his feeding patterns changed. I started to question everything and my reading took on a sort of desperation:
  • The Nursing Mother’s Companion
  • Breastfeeding Made Simple
  • Your Fussy Baby
  • Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child
I’m used to being good at things. Even when stuff doesn’t come easily or right away, I’ve been able to figure out how to make it work, get better at it, etc. This whole baby thing is a goddamn mystery. And it’s a highly individualized mystery. I’ve read so many baby/first year books, it makes my head spin. But they are all so general and vague in their commiseration that it’s basically useless. Patience and forbearance. Patience and forbearance. But it’s a funny thing about patience and forbearance. It turns out I don’t have an infinite supply.

But I’ve been told that after 8 weeks, it settles back down again. We’ll see. I am hopeful. It’ll be nice to be able to look back on all that.
The bottom line…
Pros:
  • Real life with a baby begins (now that my mom is gone)
  • He’s sleeping longer at night
  • We’ve got the nursery all set up, and he’s sleeping in there
  • SMILES!!!
Cons:
  • My mom is no longer around to help
  • He takes a lot more effort to put down
  • I’m more tired than ever

Keeping It Simple: Thoughts on 2016

To be trite: A new baby changes everything. Maybe I’ll finally learn to be realistic about what I can expect from myself. I think that’ll be the main theme of the year: working out what I can actually get done, making the most of my time and abilities, and being kind to myself in the process.

So here’s what I’m focusing on getting better at in 2016:
  • Live mindfully
  • Exercise the creative muscle
    • Read for at least 20 minutes a day
    • Write for at least an hour a week
    • Post to the blog at least once a week
    • Do an exercise from the banjo book each week
  • Defend personal time
    • Take at least an hour a week out of the house and away from Abhi
    • Socialize at least once a week
    • Go on at least one date a month
  • Maintain general well being
    • Eat well
    • Drink lots of water
    • Get regular exercise
I’ve also made a bucket list of things I want to get done this year. Stuff with clear deliverables (if you’ll pardon my “corpo-speak”).
  • Complete my voice/grief writing project
  • (Clean, repair, and) Fit into my wedding dress
  • Beat Wind Waker
  • Learn “Rainbow Connection” on the banjo
  • Write and publish at least 100 blog posts
And it feels like those things are like destination cards in Ticket to Ride: once I’ve completed them, I can take on others if I so choose.

As before, I’ll keep you updated each month on how I’m doing regarding both goals and bucket list items. Good luck with whatever you’re undertaking, and here’s to a great 2016!

December Goals Update

Post to the blog at least twice a week
—>I was doing all right and then the holidays sort of put an end to that.

More music: listen to more music generally, try out at least one new artist every month
—>Artists discovered:
Artists remembered :
Knit more, at least 20 minutes a week
—>Didn’t finish the booties but did make a fair bit of progress.
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(The shadowy lighting is to indicate my disappointment that I couldn’t get them done in time for Christmas)

Bake more, at least twice a month
—>My mom sort of took over on this one. I did nothing while she made two different kinds of apple muffins, some banana muffins, and brownies.

Exercise every day, at least a little
—>Feeling good enough to exercise. Craving it, really. So I started doing my favorite day from Adrian’s 30 Days of Yoga. Couldn’t really keep that up with the Christmas tree in the way. Did planks and crunches every two or three days. Half sun salutations whenever I thought of it.

Take better care of my skin: take off makeup regularly; mask at least once a week
—>I’ve been wearing makeup more frequently lately. Which is ironic, I suppose. I didn’t wear makeup this regularly before the baby. But now I feel a stronger desire to look a certain part, I suppose. All this is to say that I’ve had to be better about taking it off and taking care of my skin. But there have also been stretches where I’ve gone days between properly washing my face.

Take better care of my body: drink more water and eat more produce
—>Again, the veggies side has been easier because of my mom’s cooking (will definitely be missing that). Water has been up and down. I’ve mostly been pretty decent about it though.

Keep in better contact with people, regular emails and phone calls sort of thing
—>Pfft

Read more, at least two books a month
—>Books read:
Books started:
Keep home tidy every day
—>Didn’t really do this. Instead, I made the home messier every day. Blame it on Christmas and amazon and being away for nearly a week.

More reflection/journalling
—>Does gazing at my newborn’s son for hours each day count?

Get and stay organized
—>I’ve been thinking about this one a lot but not really acting on anything so far. Lots of plans for the new year, especially now that my mom isn’t in Abhi’s room.

Set schedules/routines and stick to them
—>I’ve been trying. Oh man, have I been trying. My best result is a rough feed-baby-feed-self-do-stuff cycle. It works on the days when Abhi manages to go to sleep in places other than my torso.

Life After Birth: Month One

Abhimanyu One Month
***Look, I tried. And no matter how many times I started over (and it was a real struggle), this post came out sounding like bragging. So I’m owning it. I know that entering the world of parenthood is hard, and it’s not my intention to make light of that. I’m just sharing my own personal experience. And I’m extraordinarily grateful that it’s as good as it is. While I know I can’t fully appreciate how good I have it, I am completely aware that this is not generally the case.***

Based on my reading, I’ve been having a much easier time of it than average. Abhi is a good feeder and a relatively good sleeper. As a result, I’m reasonably well rested. I stopped bleeding around the third week and while I definitely don’t have my old body back, I don’t still look pregnant and probably don’t look like I had a baby a month ago.
DSC05398
Which is fitting. I don’t feel like I had a baby a month ago. It either feels much longer or much shorter. It’s still entirely surreal. I have an adorable blob that squeaks a lot and makes crazy faces both while sleeping and awake. It’s most preposterous that I was pregnant with him and gave birth to him not that long ago.

Breastfeeding is going well. As is pumping. I’m really loving my Medela hand pump; I find it works better/faster than the one we rented from the hospital. I have gotten into a rhythm such that there’s even a fair bit of milk in the freezer for special occasions! I’m pretty rubbish at working out. There’s no real routine or schedule possible with “the wee baby”.

We’ve gone on a few successful outings. Abhi’s done well in both the stroller and the sling.
The bottom line…
Pros:
  • Nursing is going well
  • Pumping is going well
  • Abhi is (mostly) a delight
Cons:
  • I’m nowhere near my pre pregnancy weight
  • My boobs look like preposterous balloons
  • Don’t have anything near a consistent routine
Heh. The good stuff is all baby related and the “bad” stuff is all me related. Figures.

Christkindlmarket 2015

Ever since we started dating, four years ago, my husband and I have made it a point to get to the Christkindlmarket. Even if it’s only to grab a couple souvenir mugs.
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Naturally, there was no way we were going to let Abhi miss his first chance to enjoy the experience. So we gathered the grandparents and packed the carrier and headed down during Thanksgiving weekend.

DSC05379DSC05371DSC05378DSC05377DSC05372DSC05385Despite the crowd, it was a good time. Both the weather and the baby cooperated so that we got our fix of gluhwein and pretzels. Even got a couple ornaments.DSC05393And one for Abhi, too!DSC05394