2016 Goals Check In: March

Live Mindfully
  • Do one exercise from Loving-Kindness each day
    • Hilarious jokes. Seriously. What was I thinking with this with setting this goal (just kidding…I know what I was thinking). BUT! I may have found an alternative. This feels doable.
    • I thought reviewing the exercises from Mindful Birthing would help. And it might have…had I done it. Heh. I did a little better on the reading for the first time front and got into Sitting Still Like a Frog and Everyday Blessings.
 
Exercise the Creative Muscle
 
Defend Personal Time
  • Take at least an hour a week out of the house and away from Abhi
    • I was yogaing like a rock star. That’s it. I really need to try harder on this one. I just prioritize working out over other things…like this blog…or my writing project. ::awkward face::
  • Socialize at least once a week
    • This one was a little hit and miss. Had a couple hang out at homes. And then a lot of nothing. I really need to start taking this one more seriously. Even though in specific instances, I’d rather be on my own, it adds up and takes its toll.
  • Go on at least one date a month
    • We let this one slide this month. But we’ll make up for it next month. We’re celebrating Nate’s birthday and our anniversary.
 
Maintain General Well Being
  • Eat well
    • Umm…Easter happened. So…chocolate.
  • Drink lots of water
    • Umm…Easter happened. So…chocolate.
  • Get regular exercise
    • I managed to be pretty good about this, with plenty of Namaskar and yoga sculpt.

A Day in the Life

Alarm goes off at 5:30, so I get up.2016-03-25 06.03.22

Start the milk in the warmer and get to pumping.

After (nearly) two pouches full of milk and one glass of water empty, I’m back on the hook for Abhi. Good thing he’s got the hiccups (and bad)!

After a quick diaper change (just missed a pee), it’s tummy time (still hiccuping). And time for a cup of tea.

A tearful “pottytunity” reveals that the little munchkin is tired. Time to turn on the noise machine and start the nap routine.

He eats (and pees in the potty), and I bounce him and sing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” twice through. He is calm and quiet the whole time. Naturally, as soon as I leave the room, he starts screaming.

But I gotta let the little guy figure it out, so I leave him to it, as I get my shit done. Twenty minutes later, he’s asleep.

After showering (impossible before Abhi’s current nap schedule) and starting Abhi’s laundry (and finishing another glass of water 🙂 ), I sit down to breakfast and a bit of Stardew Valley.

Greeted by the happiest face imaginable (and first proper hug?). He apparently couldn’t wait for the potty, so I only catch the last of his poop.

After feeding him and playing for a bit, more tummy time!

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That only lasts so long, so I stick him in his bouncing thing and go about my lunch.

Then it’s nap time again. I put him down and he is much quieter this time. Next up, folding laundry.

Then I play some more Stardew Valley, finish another glass of water, have a work call, and eat a second lunch (with a mini caramel egg for dessert 🙂 )

Abhi wakes from his nap, so I feed him (and catch a pee) and we play for a bit. Then more tummy time! Which he does not tolerate at all so we just play and hang out until my husband gets home

Then I hustle off to yoga before ending the night with dinner with my husband (after pumping again, naturally.

More on That Weird Hippy Thing I’m Doing

So…EC

I figured we’d start out easy, try it on for size. We’d still do diapers. As appealing as having him be completely naked was, it’s still cold and I wasn’t confident that our apartment wouldn’t end up covered in piss and shit. So I got a potty and figured I’d focus on the time we hang out in the living room.

Naturally, that’s not what actually happened. The living room proved too complicated for me, so we stuck to hanging out in his nursery. We had a rough start. The first attempt resulted in crying and poop everywhere. I decided to pause on using the potty in the middle of feeds.

To ease him into it, I started having him sit on the potty with his pre-fold on and talking him through it. It is about communication, after all. That resulted in less crying. He seemed to get comfortable on the potty and respond to cueing. I also took him with me to the bathroom when I went, and he soiled his diaper every time.

By the fourth day, I was feeling it. I had more catches than misses. We figured out how to manage during feeds, and I got pretty good at catching poops. Pees were another story. He wasn’t as good at cueing those and even when I caught them, it turns out it’s quite the trick to manage the flow from a penis. By this point, though, even my husband was on board and caught a pee himself!

It’s pretty much the norm now. We’ve even had a few dry naps (and other adventures to be described later), and he really seems to love it. He’s so pleased with himself after using the potty successfully. There are days when I want to take it easy, but he insists on using the potty over his diaper. What a kid.

Doing EC reinforces my sense that parenting is just a series of situations where you have to go with your gut. If it comes naturally, it’s right for you, but don’t force anything. You can only ever affect the moment you are in, so the best you can do is whatever’s best in that moment. It’s all you can do, and after a while of doing that in every moment, a pattern you like emerges. You’ll find that you have more catches than misses. And that’s really all you can ask for.

Life After Birth: the Fourth Month

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This was a month of milestones. Not necessarily for Abhi but definitely for us as a family.

In a lot of ways, it feels like things have come together. I feel pretty confident as a driver (though not as a parker); we know what we need with us for an errand, a day out, or even a road trip. We’ve definitely come a long way in figuring each other and our life together out.

The biggest event of the month was our trip to Indiana and Ohio to see my husband’s family. We headed for Indiana on Friday afternoon and spent the night at his parents’ house. Then we headed out to Ohio on Saturday to spend the afternoon and night there. Started the route back to Chicago Sunday morning, with a break in Indiana. Needless to say…it was a lot. But we made it and live to tell the tale. We definitely learned a lot and have already had chances to apply little hacks here and there.
We moved him to the crib. I really think that helped his sleeping. It could be that the mattress is nicer or that he has more room, but he definitely seems to rest longer and better. While he’s no better at going down—maybe even worse—I’ve noticed that he doesn’t wake up as quickly or easily. He still consistently sleeps through the night and has even soothed himself back to sleep once or twice.
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As I mentioned, I’ve been doing elimination communication with him. It was sort of an experiment; a thing I wanted to try on for size. But it’s going really well. He seems to really take to it. It’s not perfect, but it’s really satisfying and I can already see progress.
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Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cut my hair. I didn’t really mind him grabbing it occasionally. But seeing it falling out and getting everywhere was too much. I couldn’t handle all the pulling it off of things. It had to go. And I love it. Hilariously, I spend less effort on it and it looks like I spend way more.
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The bottom line…
  • Pros
    • Sleeps through the night
    • Longer daytime naps
    • More playful
    • Daddy Day – just…everybody wins
  • Cons
    • Puts up more of a fight to sleep during the day
    • Roadtrips – good to see family, hard on us
    • Hair falling out —> haircut (so, really…this is a pro)

2016 Goals Check In: February

Live Mindfully
  • Do one exercise from Loving-Kindness each day
    • I thought that doing the exercises from the book in the morning would work. But I never ended up doing it. My best morning is getting up at 5am, pumping while half asleep, and then falling back into bed until Abhi wakes me and I have to feed him.
Exercise the Creative Muscle
Defend Personal Time
  • Take at least an hour a week out of the house and away from Abhi
    • This has mostly been from working out. Still doing yoga at Namaskar and I also joined the Chicago Athletic Club. About once a week though, I was going over to a friend’s to watch the X-Files. If the show gets picked up (and it looks like it will be), this could be an ongoing thing.
  • Socialize at least once a week
    • Doing alright with this one. Had brunch with some friends; played board games a couple times with friends. The women from my Active Mom’s Club fitness class got together for lunch a couple times. I think my favorite, though, was having a friend just come over and hangout at home a few times.2016-02-07 12.51.23.jpg
  • Go on at least one date a month
    • We were classic and went out for Valentine’s Day. Dinner and drinks with a babysitter at home. We’re starting to make The Den our thing.2016-02-13 19.13.30.jpg
Maintain General Well Being
  • Eat well
    • I’m trying my best, but Abhi’s been taking up more of my time and attention these days. Food has tended to be rather slap dash during the days. My husband’s been awesome, though, and cooking up good stuff at nights. I’d like to think it evens out. Heh.
  • Drink lots of water
    • See above. It’s hard to remember to get water, let alone be able to drink it these days. I’m trying to be more conscious, but water keeps losing to tea (caffeine!!!).
  • Get regular exercise
    • Working out nearly every day – if I don’t get out to a proper class, I try and make sure to do a workout following one of the Active Mom’s Club worksheets. At the very least, I do leg lifts while Abhi does tummy time.

Daddy Day (Mommy’s Day Off)

A funny thing about the arrangement of having the mother staying at home with the children and the father going out to win the bread (in the world’s lamest contest, apparently) is that everyone misses out. The mother can go out to win bread of her own, but the father doesn’t often do the equivalent staying at home with the children.

Now this is not some rant about equal share around the house, blah blah blah. My husband is fantastic. We are a true team and share the burdens of having a family and a child. But it’s hard to say that we share the delight.

So we came up with Daddy Day. It was as much his idea as mine. Sure, I get the day off (not including regular pumping), but, more importantly, he gets a fully immersive Abhi experience.

Daddy Day. Brought to you by breast pumps and bottle warmers.

I’m “potty training” my child

Bear with me for a minute…

It’s not really potty training. At least, I don’t think so. I have to admit that Elimination Communication is the only method I know anything about. I came across the idea while reading Real Food for Mother and Baby. Diaper Free was one of the books listed in the resources section. Naturally, I was intrigued. So I got the book and tore through it. It ended up making a lot of sense to me.

Basically, the idea is that it’s a gentle way of taking advantage of the fact that people are born continent. Years of diapering and getting used to sitting in poop and pee actually result in a disconnect from this basic function. As a result, potty training at the more typical age is harder and ends up being focused on holding it in. Elimination Communication (EC) is exactly what it sounds like: talking about going to the bathroom. It’s paying attention to the signals your baby is already giving you (it’s sometimes so obvious that “poop face” is a pretty commonly understood thing) and responding to them. It’s also communicating to your baby about using the toilet and teaching him how to pay attention to and become comfortable with his own body. The emphasis is on opportunities and cueing so that the baby learns to pee or poop when he wants to as opposed to when he has to. The immediate benefits are a closer bond between the two of you and knowing that your baby isn’t sitting in his own waste. The longer term benefits are a reduction in diaper use and possible earlier “toilet independence” (i.e. being toilet trained).

We’ve been at it for a few weeks now, and I’d say it’s going well. Abhi seems to really like it and is clearly more comfortable and sensitive to his bodily functions. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Who knows…maybe you’ll end up trying it yourself.