The events of 2016 have given me a lot to think about. I wouldn’t be the first to say that it’s been a cruel year. I have more to say on that, but I’m still processing and don’t quite know where to begin, so that’s for later.
Suffice it to say, I’ve been thinking a lot about my identity recently. I’ve been more aware of it and more aware of the experiences that have shaped it. A big part of that identity is growing up in the United States as a child of immigrants from India. The holiday season has always been when I am mostly sharply aware of that part of myself. We didn’t really celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas when I was a kid. And there really aren’t any major Hindu holidays this time of year. I always felt like I was on the outside of the festivities, looking in.
Longingly. I crafted detailed fantasy traditions that I would start when I was older. I spent tons of time thinking about presents that would delight my friends and family. I actually put a fair amount of effort into getting my family to make a bigger deal out of the holidays. And they do now. And it’s awesome. Our Thanksgivings are dazzling feasts; we blast holiday music; we’ve exchanged some really thoughtful gifts (like performances…pro tip: tickets to events are amazing gifts). As an adult, I’ve been able to make the holiday season my own, merging my native culture with the culture of my home.
And I’m unspeakably grateful for that. While this is hardly the most joyous holiday season I’ve ever known, it’s already been such a comfort. Thanksgiving was filled with heavier conversations than usual, but it was also filled with more togetherness. We had a larger group over for the big meal. They stayed longer. We watched more movies together. We played more games together. We needed each other more.
It feels more important than ever to celebrate traditions. This is the fifth year in a row that my husband and I have gone to Christkindlmarket, the second year that Abhimanyu has. It’s our third Christmas tree as a family. Abhimanyu had his first (crying) picture with Santa. My husband’s parents joined us to decorate the tree, and we hope to make that an annual thing. We’re a little bit going out of our way to do holiday things because they’re just plain nice to do.
Thanksgiving
I’m very fortunate to have a loving and supportive family that I enjoy spending time with. It made Thanksgiving something to look forward to. A nice break, time to refresh, regroup.
I started going to New Jersey for Thanksgiving when I lived in Philadelphia. They were a two hour train ride away, and I was in the habit of visiting them every six weeks or so, anyway. But we didn’t start making a thing of the big dinner until my second Thanksgiving with them.
I had gotten into the habit of Thanksgiving, see. Growing up, we didn’t make much of the holiday. Didn’t make a special meal or have regular family get togethers. Sometimes we’d travel; sometimes people would visit. But it was really just another long weekend. But in my first year at college, a friend invited me to go with her to Thanksgiving at a relative of hers. I haven’t stopped “observing” since. I even have a trademark dish: pumpkin cheesecake. Which brings me to the food.
It started out small. We don’t eat meat, but we wanted it to feel Thanksgiving-y, so we looked through a cookbook my aunt had (Vegetarian Celebrations or something) and found what turned out to be an amazing cranberry chutney recipe. We had it with lemon sevai and pumpkin cheesecake. And it stuck. And we elaborated. The menu became an appetizer (sometimes two), a soup, an entree (plus the essential sevai and chutney), and pumpkin cheesecake (sometimes additional dessert items). Themes emerged.
This year, the theme, courtesy of my uncle (the only one with his act together) was ancient grains. We had amaranth tikkis, spicy kamut stew, creamy gorgonzola teff, baked polenta with roasted vegetables, and homemade blueberry ice cream. And, remember, that’s on top of the lemon sevai with cranberry chutney and pumpkin cheesecake.
Phew! Right? And it was all super tasty. And it was really nice to be with family. And it was really nice to be reminded of things to be thankful for.
Christkindlmarket
I first discovered Christkindlmarket in college, when those of us who stayed in Chicago during the Thanksgiving break didn’t know what to do with ourselves. I went a couple times between then and when Nate and I started dating. Since then, it’s become a special tradition of ours. We never miss it and have the mugs for all the years we’ve gone together (except one when they ran out). Last year was the first time we went with Abhimanyu. We decided to start a tradition of picking out an ornament each year in his honor. Eventually, he will pick the ornament out himself.
So we braved the cold and got ourselves some gluhwein and a new ornament. Abhimanyu was a champ about the whole thing, naturally.
Decorating the tree
Nate and I have been getting a Christmas tree from Gethsemane ever since we moved in together three years ago. I was ridiculously excited that first year. It was my first ever experience getting a Christmas tree. We never did that when I was a kid. The only tree I remember (though there may have been one in a home video when I was three) was a potted evergreen that we always had around. We repurposed it for the holidays and stuck gifts underneath. I think we decided that its branches wouldn’t sustain much decoration. So tree shopping was like a moment out of the movies for me. I was doing happy dances the entire time.
Last year, we went with my mom and Abhimanyu and chose a tree based on Abhi’s input (the tree next to which he did not cry was chosen). This year, he got to play a more active role and actually pointed to the tree he wanted. So we got the tree, put it up, got the tree decorations out of storage, and got new ornaments from Christkindlmarket. It actually felt like we were good at life.
Nate’s parents were coming up the following weekend, so we thought it would be a great opportunity to start a tradition of decorating our tree together. Since I didn’t grow up with any real Christmas traditions, I’ve always fantasized about starting new ones. What better place to start than the tree! Abhimanyu had the honor of putting up the tree topper before we tucked him in for the night. Then we had a round of holiday drinks and did up the rest of the tree in no time. As a reward, we settled in for some Arthur Christmas.
Meeting Santa
Something I’ve always been conflicted about is Santa. Since we didn’t really celebrate Christmas, he was never really a part of the magic for me. And I was totally that kid that ruined Santa for my friends. Heh. As an adult, Santa gives me a lot of pause. I have no problem with the idea of a jolly man who loves kids (though the lap thing can get weird…), but the idea of making a list of demands and then magically having (some or all of) them met never sat well with me. Leaving materialism and the realities of finances and consumerism aside, the part of Christmas that I love is the love. Here is a time of year, pretty much a whole month, when everyone treats everyone else better, expresses more love, spends more time with people they don’t see often. The best part about all the presents is expressing love through generosity. To give all the credit to someone you have no personal connection to seems to miss the point. And then there’s the lying component. I find that I’m just not that comfortable with the idea of promoting a falsehood to my children, especially when I don’t see the benefit of doing so. The way I see it, not thinking that there is a real man named Santa (or any of the variations) who miraculously gives presents to everyone doesn’t have to diminish the magic of Christmas at all. But I also recognize that it’s really easy for me to say all this…because I never really had Santa in my life. Suffice it to say that my husband feels very differently and we haven’t quite worked the kinks out.
You know…I’m not sure why I felt the need to tell you all that. But I did, and I’m not going back. Anyway! Our neighborhood has a lot of families with kids, so there are frequently events geared towards children. A couple weeks ago, there was a brunch with Santa event that fell on a Saturday (Daddy day), so Nate took Abhimanyu for his first Santa encounter. Abhimanyu put on his best (only) holiday sweater, got a crab balloon animal, and completely lost his shit in Santa’s lap. All in all, a fantastic introduction, in my opinion. And while I still don’t know what I want to tell him about Santa, I wouldn’t give the pictures up for the world.
I’d like to close this incredibly long post with an expression of gratitude. The current social and political climate is such that America feels a lot less like the awesome salad (I’ve come to really dislike the melting pot metaphor) that I love so much. We have a lot of work to do in the months and years ahead to get back on track to following the dream of America, as opposed to settling for the reality, but I need to acknowledge that I have been very fortunate. I have always had friends and family who shared their traditions and culture, who included everyone in celebrations. And I have a lot more joy in my life because of it. Thank you.
Prose Home Movies 
Lovely detailed writing – so great to read:-)
Happy Blessed and very lucky we are Ambika to have such amazing family and friends
Sending all my love (and soon birthday wishes) to you Nate, and Abhimanyu
💕🌈🎄🙏🏽
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